Do we even like each other?

I find that I don’t often write about marriage. Strange.  And why not?  Perhaps I see our marriage as sacred, as private.  And in some aspects, I do stand by that.  There’s such an intimacy about what we share with one another, that I don’t always like to bring “it” into the public realm.

And yet…

I would love to share about my marriage.  I don’t often participate in weekly or monthly series, but something about this one jumped out to me today.  Jennifer Smith, at the Unveiled Wife, is an excellent resource on this topic.  I highly recommend the “click”.

Okay, here’s the topic today – friendship in marriage.

I believe the question that begs to be asked is an important one…

Do we even like each other?

Perhaps this is a silly and somewhat rhetorical question. Duh? Right? And then again, maybe not.  I think if we pause in answering, or straight-out know that our answer is “no”, we’ve drifted away from our spouse in the chaos of the business and details of life.  It happens!  Work demands, children, household chores and tasks, endless errands, other friendships and family members, all vie for our urgent attention at times.  When our children were younger and mealtimes could be classified as nothing other than a circus, I remember thinking, “He’s an adult.  He can fend for himself, these are children and they can’t.”

Yep.

And we arrive at a place in our marriages where we could label our relationship as “roommates” and we wonder why we’re arguing, again, over who gets to clean up the __________ (insert any number of things).

We forget how we first started with the “like” and fell into the “love”.

Is there hope when we’ve realized we’ve arrived at this distant place?

Always.

In my humble attempt to boil it down to one word – it’s intent.  I’ve learned that it’s about choosing.  And not just choosing once, but over, and over, and over again until the NEW choice becomes the default, not the old.  It’s choosing to tell the children at the dinner table that Mommy is listening to Daddy, and that they will receive a turn when he is finished.  It’s about serving.  It’s about choosing to set aside time to talk, time to have fun, and yes, even time to pray.

All I can say is that I have messed up a ton.  My selfishness and self-centeredness have been the root of my “rightness” far too many times to recount.  And yet, in seeking God’s view of this unity called marriage, I’ve found a sweet spot.  In a time of current unemployment, we’ve been given an extra dose of something so valuable… time.

I’ve learned that I make time for things that are important to me.

Whether it’s social-media time, time reading, time with family, or time in the Word, my actions determine what is truly valuable to me, not what I say or what I think.  So today, I’m joining you in this challenge:

How can I show my husband that he is important to me today?

You know your husband.  Reach him in a way he receives.  With words?  Send him a text, twitter, email, facebook message.  With time? Join him on the couch as he watches sports.  With gifts?  Make him a card.  With serving?  Make him his favorite dessert.  With touch?  Well… that one is universal!

I enjoyed a lunch out with my husband today, great conversation ensued!  Plus, you can never go wrong with Chipotle.

When you have a moment, share how you “liked” your husband today.  The best ideas are the ones that are shared!

For even more great ideas, jump over to Rachel’s site today where she shares about activities to rekindle your friendship. Go forth and “like” today.  It’s actually fun!

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10 thoughts on “Do we even like each other?

  1. Great post, Heather! I, also, love hearing how othe Women of God show their hubs they like/love them :)

    Actually, you encouraged me to reflect on the day. I found that, I was constantly thanking him- with various specific words, both via text and in person. You see, #2 on his love languages is Words of Affirmation. (after a crazy ordeal with the place we are staying as in London, not only did Hubs take care of little Sprout, but he also got our things moved to a new room- all so I could enjoy a day with my cousin while she is here visiting!) Love Him!!

    It definitely takes lots of grace, practice, and continual surrender of my selfishness to be able to share that today, I ‘liked’ him. I am definitely not perfect/consistent, but by His grace/leading in my life, and wonderful God-Centered girlfriends, like yourself :), I am encouraged to keep working towards it!

    Thanks and love!
    Catherinexo

  2. I’ve been trying to tell him how I feel instead of getting angry because he should know. I’ve discovered it is difficult to put how I feel into words. I am usually hurt, lonely, scared, but lump it all together as anger. Searching for the “feeling words” have helped get rid of the anger. He unexpectedly had to go out of town to work. I worked hard at not getting angry. When he texted me that he had gotten there, I just texted back “miss you.” I guess I “liked” him today!

    • I get it girl. New habits are hard, especially when it comes to verbalizing feelings in the midst of feelings, keep practicing. And yes, you “liked” him very well today. It may seem little, but you’ll reap a great harvest. Good job, keep it up!

  3. Pingback: Can’t Stand "All In One Friendship"~by Starshelle | The Write Stuff

  4. Pingback: Is it kind? Is it necessary? Is it true? | Heather

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