Category Archives: husband

Letting him lead…

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kissIt’s our anniversary today.  And I’ve noticed a few things about today.  First, the weather –  comfortable temperature, cool breeze, blue sky, and few puffy clouds.  Just like it was 16 years ago.  And we found ourselves with an extra gift this afternoon.  The gift of time.  As with summer spontaneity, our son ended up at a friend’s home and the girls joined my Dad for an afternoon bike ride on a local trail.  And so…

We folded laundry.  Not kidding.  And then I heard him say, “I guess we can go on a bike ride.” It’s not his most favorite thing, but he knew I’d enjoy the time together and the opportunity to bask in my favorite kind of weather.

And on this bike ride, I noticed a few things.  I have been on this route before, several times.  But this time, I was on my mountain bike, not my road bike.  As soon as we found ourselves on the local trail, I must have gotten into “mode”.  Before I knew it, I heard this voice say, “Hey, where’s the fire?”  Oops, I realized we must have had a different agenda in mind.

Now, don’t let me fool you, in years past, I would have responded in one of two ways.  I would have ignored the sarcasm and simply stuck to my agenda OR I would have fallen back and taken the passive-aggressive approach to let him know I wasn’t too pleased with him not getting on the same page.  This time, I simply recognized that there was no need for speed and that having different expectations were just that – different.  It was much more important to me to coast along beside each other than pushing my muscles.

On our way back, another thought popped into my mind.  It was as if I heard the words, “Let him lead”.  You see, Aaron was on the inside part of the path so that he could tuck in behind me when another biker approached, in a very gentelmanly-protective role that he naturally plays so well.  And yet, it was when we were beside each other that I noticed my tire was still a bit ahead of his.  And so, in a gesture I’m sure he never even noticed, I made it a point to make a conscientious decision to pedal at a pace that left me slightly behind his wheel.  I wanted to let him lead.

Oh my gracious, can I tell you what a change of heart this is for me.  Not in a shoulders-back, nose-up manner, but in a way that can only be explained by the fact that, in all humility, I have allowed (truth be told, begged-pleaded-prayed) for the Lord to change my heart, to help me see.  It has been a slow, step-by-step process of out-with-the-old and in-with-the new.  I have asked for some major pruning, and though painful at times, I carried quite a bit of dead weight with me, some pretty ugly selfishness.  One thing I now know, it has made all the difference.  I have “tasted and seen” the good that comes from following the ways in which God talks about.  His way for marriage is that the husband leads.

And this I now know… In allowing Him to lead, I don’t lose who I am, I gain a better us.

God’s ways are ALWAYS better than mine.

For his side of the story, click here.  He’s a much better writer than I :)

Lord, thank you for showing me this today.  With you as the center, our marriage is a unity.  It’s a beautiful gift.  It’s a gift that comes along with the realization that letting go of my agenda, my misconceptions, allows room to accept your perfect design that represents your lead over the church.  Thank you for the love we have for each other, no doubt forged over time, and imperfect in and of itself, yet grounded in a love that IS perfect.  We know this because you ARE love.  Thank you in advance for a wonderful evening we get to spend together.  May others know today that this love extends to them as well.  Amen.

This was no ordinary moment…

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Aaron and I

I was working at a preschool on Friday.  It was lunch time, and I decided to take a few moments to check messages and emails.

My eyes scanned the usual variety, and then they fell upon a text message from my husband.  As I’ve come to appreciate over this almost-16-years-of-marriage-thing, we’ve grown to know each other well.  We recognize our differences, know where and when they attract or repel, we respect how we process (me inwardly, he outwardly), and we hold time with each other intently and fiercely.

And in this moment of screen-to-screen interface, I recall my last message of raw honesty, using words that have a meaning know only between us.  And I see his response.  He acknowledges my statement, in essence, my wiring, and in complete love he writes this:

Thank you for letting me lead.

And my breathe catches in the back of my throat, and my emotions start there accent from the pit of my stomach and quickly rise to the top of my head, threatening to release through my tear ducts, and anything that I had planned to do next was not important.  And I sat stunned at my response.  Why in the world did that hit my soul?

And as quickly as my mind could formulate those words, it was as though a visual curtain to my past was flung open, and I saw, and I remembered.

There was a time when I wanted to lead, in everything.  At the beginning of our marriage, I struggled, on many levels.  Aaron and I dated long distance for 4 years while I was away at college.  I had this wild expectation that when we were married, I could have all the time in the world with him.  And after we married, he accepted a job that included travel, lots of it.  And my family was still close, but I was too prideful to admit my pain.  So I was alone, and I became bitter.

And then we moved from Cleveland to Columbus, and he still traveled, and now no family.  So we got a dog.  And I accepted a second job.  And I learned to build my independence taller and taller, brick by brick.  Then my husband accepted a retail job.  This moved him closer to home, but busy on the weekends.  And I kept building.

Time passed, we built our first home, and soon after we welcomed a beautiful baby boy into the family.  And with this beautiful bundle, my wall began to crack.  That happens when one experiences sleep deprivation.  Then I went back to teaching, then I started my masters program, then we find out baby #2 was on the way.  No longer was my independent wall my own, bricks were falling daily.

And in my mess, I came to the end of myself, and when I reached the end of myself, I looked up.  And my Jesus, the One I had placed in the tallest part of my tower, was now standing next to me… with a huge smile on His face.  And He looked so happy to see me.

And I started to journey with Him.  We started walking together, I began learning from His example, listening and reading, sometimes tripping and bleeding, but getting up and walking again. I started asking more questions, seeking, and thirsting like never before.

We were led to move to another house as baby #3 was on the way, and in so many ways, a new chapter was beginning.  I began a quest to not only be a Godly Mom, but to first learn how to live as a Godly wife.  I read, and I read, and I read.  And I have to admit, some books may have gotten hurt during this project.  It was foreign stuff, it was tough, it meant change… on MY behalf.  And in the middle of it all, I had a choice to make.  Trust and choose God’s way, or choose the way I had known through this me-centered world.

As with so many choices in life, I can decide, but often times it’s a process, a process of imperfect progress.  And indeed, over time, I’ve come to realize and appreciate God’s model for marriage.  I have come to practice submission (pausing for the Spirit’s interceding) over and over again, that it is (most days) a natural occurrence, now a habit if you will.  I had to let Him “burn” the ugly part of my heart so that His internal light could shine through.

And I’m tellin ya, it’s SO MUCH BETTER HIS WAY.  Peace reigns, love rules, tenacity endures to see open communication through, I show respect and encouragement, he displays love and encouragement.  And I read that this is right.

Ephesians 5:21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

And now I know why I experienced a tsunami of emotions… I’m just so grateful for how my Jesus loves me and guides me.  He did not leave me in my mess, indeed God sent me a Messiah, a Savior, a Rescuer.  And the best part is, He sent Him for you too!  This is anything but an exclusive club, it is all inclusive.

What’s holding you back today?

It’s been a pretty good day…

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Just another day.  My car pulled into the campus of the Ohio School for the Deaf.  I parked my car in its usual spot.  I walked to the office to sign in.  And then I walked towards my classroom.  I turned the corner.  And then I noticed something different.  Hanging from my doorknob was an adorable basket.  And inside, my curious eyes found several goodies.  An adorable magnetic notepad (which I need), pencils (which, as a math teacher, I ALWAYS need), pens, and CHOCOLATE!  What a delight!  A secret “booing” from an anonymous staff member.  It may seem little, but it sure brought some unexpected joy.

As I shared a few “kisses” with my first period class, I heard the “ding” of my phone signaling a new text message. I quickly glanced at the message… and I had to read it again.  It was from my husband.

First off, I love you.  Second, for some reason Stanley (former employer) dropped some major coin in our bank account.  I’m going to call today to find out what that’s all about.

And through a series of messages, we did “come to find out” exactly what the Lord had in store for us today.  Aaron did such a fabulous job writing about it that you JUST HAVE to read it.

From my vantage point, watching the story unfold in between classes, I experienced a sense of awe and utter humility like never before.  In fact, when I finally sat and let myself truly think about it, I lost my emotional resolve.  Aaron and I had set some goals in discussing how the Lord was leading us to manage our new sense of income.  Before his severance pay ended in December, we took on a gazelle-like-intensity (to borrow a Dave Ramses phrase) in an attempt to pay off our two vehicles.  We weren’t entirely sure if we would make our goal, but we set our intent.

In short, this “gift” we received today, gave Aaron the ability to not only pay off our car, but to PAY OFF our van as well… almost literally TO THE PENNY!!  I’m not kidding.  I was stunned.  And at the same time, I simply had this awareness that God was confirming his faithfulness as we stepped from the known to the unknown.  It’s not every day that I walk with full confidence in my full desire to work outside of the home on a full-time basis, but it IS with full confidence that I walk knowing He has asked me to trust him, and that he tells me He WILL provide.

And provide he did… in abundance.

I was reminded of this story today…

Malachi 3:10
Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the LORD Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it.”

Funny thing is… Aaron wrote about this exact same one.

Yep.  It’s been a pretty good day…

30 Days of Prayer

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Social media and the tools afforded to us by super-smart people, fascinates me more and more every day.

This concept is due, in large part, to the men in my life.  Both my husband and my son simply love it and get it.  I, on the other hand, have grabbed onto it simply because of proximity.  I may not know how to accomplish something, but they do.  It works well, I’m ignorant, they’re not.  I ask, then I receive.  It’s a nice system I must admit.  I have live-in techies.

All that said.  I wanted to simply share about an “idea” my husband had not too long ago.  Now, if you know my husband, you know he is one with “lots of ideas”.  I love that about him, and I’ve learned to love that about him all at the same time.  He’s helped me see the benefits of stepping into an opportunity and allowing the results to fall where they may.

His idea – inspiring others to join him in reciting one prayer, every day, for 30 days straight.

That’s it.  Takes but a few moments each day.  It’s the same prayer.  Prayed either out loud of inwardly.

One focus.  One opportunity for redirection.  One mindset.

And the outreach has been tremendous.

Are you curious?  Would you like to join the community?  You are welcome at any time!!

For more information, simply click here.  To get a glimpse of the community click here.  To follow on twitter use – #30DaysPrayer. There is also a button to the right #30 Days Prayer that will direct you as well.

We’ve been simply touched by the way this prayer is transforming lives.  Join us!  And don’t forget to share!

Above and beyond…

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The past 4 days can be described as nothing less than a gift.

We didn’t earn it, we definitely didn’t deserve it; it was simply dropped in our laps 2 weeks ago.

Aaron was told to attend a conference for work.  He was instructed that his wife could tag come along.  We gladly accepted.  Only expense was a plane ticket.

Destination – San Diego.

Conference/Hotel – The Del Coronado

I had heard about the beauty of San Diego, I even heard about this magnificent Historic Hotel, and I heard that this was rated the best beach in the country.

Nothing could quite prepare me for simply being in the presence of this magnificent location.

I had the gift of being an eye-witness.

And not only was their joy in the sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and touches, but it was who I was able to be in the presence of when I shared this experience.

In the early morning, my husband and I ran along the shoreline together.  I could tell you about what we saw, I could tell you about the feeling of a cool breeze on our faces, and the smell of the sea.  I could tell you about the songs that I heard, and the funny happenings of the experience (ahem, being approached by a policeman as I unknowingly ran on the military base).

I could tell you about the lady who stole our extremely large, entirely whole clam shell.  I could tell you about our extra guest who flew to the balcony to join us for breakfast.  I could tell you that the gold flecks in the sand that were nothing more than a glimpse of the gold in heaven’s streets.  But what I can’t quite fully describe is the way it felt to be connected in presence – to be present with both my earthly best friend and my Holy Heavenly Father simultaneously.  It was tangible, as if one were on my left while the other on my right.  Indescribable joy.

I could also tell you about the overwhelming sensation of peace while we were there.  Yes, circumstances as they were, I stepped out of the role and responsibility of motherhood for a bit, and was able to turn off part of my brain in a sense.  Yes, the opportunity to be served instead of to serve also played a factor.  But more than that, more than the delectable food, and the freedom from time constraints, I literally breathed in and breathed out.  That’s it.

I talked when the moment arrived.  I listened when the moment arrived.  I slept when the moment arrived.  I encouraged and thanked those serving when the moment arrived.  Life at it’s finest. Contentment.

And I just kept thinking about the fact that I never really asked for this.  Yes, my deep desire and longing is to SEE, and I do mean to travel.  My Lord knows this, but I didn’t EXPECT it.  I just kept thinking how this is above and beyond…

Ephesians 3:20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine…

And my heart just burst – how much He wants to bless us!  How much He yearns for our hearts to remove this sense of entitlement to make room for a sheer state of gratitude.  And I looked around.  I took in all the earthly “wealth” before my eyes, and my heart broke again.  Do they know you my Jesus?  Do they know this love?  And I prayed…

Ephesians 1:18 I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, 19 and his incomparably great power for us who believe.

When recently have we sat in His presence?  When have we swam in His Word?  When have we warmed in the beauty of His creation, in the moments?

I was given an opportunity.  An opportunity has been granted to you.  Today.  It’s yours.  Receive it.  Cast away all doubt.  Roll around in the joy. Let’s its rays of peace soak into you as the gentle, cool breeze whirls around you.  You don’t need an ocean.  You just need Him.

The beauty of all He is…

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Nashville! What a trip!

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It’s so hard to know where to begin in a humble attempt to recap this magnificent weekend with my husband.  I found myself making an assertive effort all weekend to “document” so that I could remember. I wanted to remember ALL that my senses could take in for a few reasons.

1. My memory seems so fleeting more times than I care to note…. where was I?

2. Even more than my insatiable need to soak in all the details of my children’s thoughts by asking a myriad of questions, I desire to share with them the details of all that God shows me when they ask questions of their own.  Therefore, documentation.

3.  I want to remember years from now.  I want to recall the hard, because within the hard, there is God.  When I recall, His faithfulness unfolds in my mind just as the moment it happened.

So. Friday morning, we wake, enter our usual weekday routine, yet add one more task: load the car with extra stuff.  We gave extra hugs, extra kisses, extra instructions (only a few extra times), dropped the kiddos off at school, and headed for the freeway.

6 hours.  Seems like a long time to be in a car.  It honestly felt like 2.

I have truly enjoyed this stage of marriage.  There is such peace in simply being in the presence of one another, without the need for words.  We’d listen to country music… a lot.  We’d share about funny tweets (only me, he was driving).  We’d joke about the way he we always end up on an unplanned road at some point during our trip.  We’d recognize little blessings (due to said detour, a Chick-Fil-A could be located right off the freeway – score!).  We’d talk deeply, we’d talk lightly.  We didn’t talk at all.  Sheer bliss.  Sometimes we don’t realize just how much we need something until it is placed right in our laps.

And… before we knew it… Nashville’s unmistakable skyline came into view.  For the third year in a row, we found ourselves in the same parking garage, headed to the same convention center to pick up a similar race packet, and to meet the same dear friends.  We walked down Broadway, took in all the sights and sounds of the Honky-Tonks, had some dinner on the patio, and headed to our hotel to get to bed early.

4:30 am our alarm went off.

5:00 we headed downtown.

6:00 we parked and stood in line for a shuttle.

6:45 we arrived at the starting line

As we walked to our corral, we saw a sign.

At 6:50, a sweet, southern gentleman’s voice spoke the name of Jesus over a small group of us.  My emotions rose at the sound of His name.

Here we go.

The next name I heard echoed was my own.

35,000 people there, and right behind us, in this sea of runners were our friends.

I’m not making this up.

We listened to the National Anthem.  I snapped a few videos with my beloved iPhone.  We turned on our tunes, and off we went.

The first 2 miles of this race are great.  You head downhill for the most part, crowds are large, sights are fun, it’s the celebration of it all.  And then, you turn the corner, and it’s uphill, uphill, and uphill.  Now, having already stated that this is our third go-round on this course, one would think I would remember this, but no, I don’t.  Maybe it’s a little bit like labor.  Anywho, the hill part leaves you with one word – humbled.  It takes your breath, brings muscle fatigue, and kicks you out of any type of rhythm you were hoping to hold onto.  In a nutshell, you come face-to-face with your human limitations.

Then, the mind games kick in.  You realize how short of a distance you’ve thus traveled, and how much further you still have yet to go.  You try not to panic, for as you know in training, panic does you no good.  So, you do your best to distract yourself.  You look around at the people, the signs, you focus on the next water stop, you try to get lost in a song.  Some attempts work, others leave you muttering, “Nice try”.

Yet, somehow, onward you press.  The sun was warm, fluids were in dire need of being replaced, people around were either walking or passing you, yet somehow our bodies kept stepping.  Somewhere in the midst of all the sweat and the insanity of how you got yourself here, a peace remained.  Somehow I knew that I knew that I would finish.  Somehow I knew that one more step would eventually lead me to the place where I wanted so desperately to be, at the finish line.  And somehow is mattered.  It mattered that I not only finished, but that I ran the race well.

Not for a time, though that is how it’s measured.

Not for a medal, though they are favorite markers of remembrance.

Not for man’s approval, but for my Lord’s.  He matters, so this matters.

I have realized that my pain is temporary, but how I responded in the hard would make a difference in the”after”.

In calling out my irrefutable weakness, His strength was acknowledged.

I did finish.  His unfailing strength, with grace I do not deserve, had me finish well.  My goal was to squeak in under 2 hours.  He gave me the gift of 1:58:18.  His blessings, through obedience, never fail.

The rest of the weekend was simply more showering of blessings.  A little rest, a little food, some great company surrounded by friendships that only come from a bond through unity in Christ.  We received hospitality, fellowship, and time in abundance.

Aaron, I look forward to doing this again in 5 days!  Some may call us crazy, I consider myself pretty darn lucky.  Thanks for “hangin in” with me in life’s adventures.  May we have many more!

Feel free to hop over and read Aaron’s take.  He has such a way with words…

 

Another fabulous Columbus race…

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What a crazy adventure yet again!  I’ll say one thing, when you decided to say yes to God, he never disappoints with boring!

We began with a 5 am wake up call, dressed for success, and headed out to pick up 2 neighbor friends before heading downtown.  We knew 17,000 people would be running today, but it didn’t quite sink in until we saw the line of red tail lights all getting off at one exit.  After a 40 minute wait, the girls decided to jump ship to head to the starting line in time.  Aaron so kindly gave up his on-time start to locate a parking spot (which he had no money for since it was in my pocket, gulp).

With a warm-up under our belt, we were ready to start, weather was great, spirits were high, and then… the people.  So many people, in fact, there was no more room in the starting corrals.  We had to wait for the race to start and the herds to move in order to make room for us to jump in.  But before we knew it, we were off!

Right away, I was given a gift.  Four years now, I have had a friend experiencing the same adventure.  As we ran alongside each other, my mind repeatedly relayed glimpses of sights, sounds (and smells) that have transpired over those same roads.  What a joy!  My legs were treating me well as we zigged and zagged around people and road obstacles.  At times I felt like we were in a video game, a familiar one at that.  The miles ticked off, one after another, and the thought that washed over me was this…

What a joy.  What a privilege.  I hope I do not ever take for granted the gift of the ability to be ABLE to run.

Pain free?  Not so much.  I had a nagging injury related to my sciatic nerve.  It reached up and grabbed me at mile seven.  What it didn’t reach was my mental stamina.  I found myself at peace.  One mile at a time.  I ran just as my training runs have been, running in the moment how my body could handle.  Amazingly enough, I was able to maintain a pretty steady pace.  Some may call this tenacity, I know the source of this capability, and it’s not my weakened body.

I found myself praying throughout the streets.  I wondered how Aaron was faring.  You see, he decided just two days prior that he would run.  Many would say he was crazy, just now coming back from an injury, but he had been taking great care of and listening to his body, and ultimately, He was trusting the Lord.  His story is one for the books.  He has such a marker for the remarkable power of the Lord’s ability to restore despite the odds.  He too ran with peace.

I prayed for my friend Amanda, you see, as I was veering off to finish, she was only half-way done.  She ran with such peace when I saw her.  Just one year ago, she experiencing a crushing blow from a car, and here she was again today, just content to be able to finish such a task.  She finished well.  She finished with her best time to date.

I also prayed for my friends Jen and Richard.  We ran for Gracehaven today due in part to their passion in getting the word out.  This was their first.  They finished well.  I prayed for my sister-in-law and her sister, running together.  I prayed for friends Heather, Keith, Dave, Chris, Angela, Stan, and Trevor.  A few of the many who had trained for this special day.

The race ended with a time that exceeded my expectations, but more than that, I realized what God was intending to show me today as both Aaron lifted me high in a hug, then my father who wrapped his arms so tightly around mine…

God sustains.

Psalm 54:4
Surely God is my help; the Lord is the one who sustains me.

Pausing to remember…

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July 28th is a day of remembrance, for several reasons.  First, it’s the day that marks the birth of the man who would grow to be the one I walked down the aisle to, dressed in my best, envisioning a lifetime spent in lovin one another.  Secondly, it would be the day that defined a new walk with my eternal groom, the one who pledged His unending love for me as he hung on a cross.

Aaron… here is my humble  attempt at using words to express my gratitude:

1.  Thank you for sharing your entire heart with me, from date #1 until our last breaths

2. Thank you for all your mistakes.  You’ve used these opportunities to look at them and turn.

3.  Thank you for choosing me.

4.  Thank you for your unending attention to the details that involve your priorities of our family.

5.  Thank you for choosing to love, especially in the hard, Happy Birthday!

Lord, thank you for ushering this life into to world.  He’s blessed his Mom, Dad, Sister, and countless others with the life he’s chosen to live.

Secondly, I also want to pause to remember the year 2006, the evening walk in which I felt the Holy Hush of my Holy Spirit whispering across my heart…

It’s time.

These last 5 years of running with you Lord have been an absolute thrill!  The whole gamut of emotional thresholds come to mind.  Through simple obedience, you have shown me things my “eyes” have never seen, taught me strength I’ve never known, filled me with freedom and peace I never thought possible, and challenged me to dare believe in finding joy in the extreme hard.

Lord, I thank you for allowing me to continue in this journey.  I will continue for as long as you allow.  I thank you for bringing Aaron alongside of me as the joy doubles in running this path together.  If there is one thing I could share with you today, it would be this:

Do not fear.  His perfect love casts out all fear.  One small yes could be the day of remembrance that forever changes your life… one step at a time.